cue the violins

"Thanks for coming in...wait, what happened to your face?"

As I stood in the bathroom rubbing my head, this is how I envisioned the opening moments of the following day's job interview transpiring. You see, I'd just made a very grievous error; while attempting to apply deodorant, I missed my armpit entirely and instead slammed the stick of white gel directly into my eye socket. After running through the obligatory Paranoid Joselyn Thoughts (does deodorant cause blindness??), I became concerned with a much more immediate issue: there was a decent chance that this would leave a mark and the aforementioned interview was a scant twenty-three hours away. I closed my eyes, exhaled, and wondered what deity I needed to thank for blessing me with such a unique worry. Certainly only I could be so lucky?

A friend of mine plays several exotic instruments and is often obligated to do business with vendors in Iran whenever he needs replacement supplies. Apparently the reputation of these individuals is questionable at best, and he once joked that he must be the only person on the planet with Shady Lute Merchant Problems. I found his claim to be exceedingly humorous - not just because I was amused that this was a legitimate concern in his life, but also because I realized that he, too, was afflicted with an uncommon set of grievances. It's not my business to air such information in this public forum, but suffice to say this guy has had some seriously weird shit happen to him. Sometimes when we were hanging out, I'd worry that our mutual "luck" would create a Disaster Vortex that would swallow us whole.

But hearing him lament his trials and tribulations also made me wonder if we are all actually cursed with what we consider to be uniquely troublesome issues. I initially began this blog with the intent of drawing attention to my bizarre and random life occurrences; however, now I'm beginning to wonder if this shit happens to everyone and they're all just much more adept at letting it go. Whereas I fuss and fret over a bruised eye socket, someone else might simply laugh it off and move on with their day. I am eternally envious of those who can Let go and let God; I can only dream of the day when my brain will choose to have such a laissez-faire attitude. Instead, I'm an obsessive perfectionist who believes that any slip-up in her vigilance will result in some kind of mishap.

In all honesty, I began writing this post several days ago and had to put it on the back burner because some Particularly Unfortunate Things happened. Luckily, said things managed to put the deodorant issue into perspective. I can now do little more than shake my head at Past Self and wonder why she interpreted a knock in the eye socket to be a blatant assault on behalf of the Universe. 

Perhaps it's time for me to start focusing on the plethora of successes in my life instead of bemoaning the few broken bits. Perhaps I should throw caution to the wind and risk getting caught up in a tornado. Perhaps this blog needs to be revamped and renamed: My Life as a Functional (Waterproof!) Umbrella.

...

Unfortunately that just doesn't have the same ring. And then I'd be depriving you, dear reader, of the opportunity to feel a little less alone while chuckling about one woman's version of shady lute merchant problems. You're welcome.